Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
