I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
