I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
