There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
