now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
