we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Drunk is not a location!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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