R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
