Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
