I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
