Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
