Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
