we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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