omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
