rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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