i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
