best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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