I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
