and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
