My friends, they love my intelligence
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
