Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
