So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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