turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
