Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
