is your mom at the bar?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
