Your dad touched me again.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
