His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
