Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
