So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
