True but thats because hes a fetus.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
