Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
