So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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