belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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