I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
