He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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