I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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