so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
smell my finger.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
