I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
