theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
