Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
