help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
