True but thats because hes a fetus.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
