I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
