I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
