u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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