would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
