Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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