how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
