Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
