I just cut my nipple shaving
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
