Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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