Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
