omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
