I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
