somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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