sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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