so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
