I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
